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May 2, 2012
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(Contains: strong language)


Chapter 1.2

Vahn walks along his way until he notices a green haired girl exit her home.
'Oh snapdragons! It's the girl who ignores the sexual harassment restraining order.'
"Vahn! I was looking for you."
In his mind, Vahn sees himself on his knees, tears in his eyes, pleading mercy to a figure in freaky leatherette, corseted figure.
"Let's play with scorpions, shards of glass, barbed wire and kittens!"
"Kittens? For what?"'
"For shoving up your ASS!" she laughs cracking a whip.

"So... you were praying at the Genesis Tree."
Vahn jerks his head and shudders from the thought.
"For the sanctity of my ass."
"Well, about your hunting clothes  you'll to be wearing tomorrow. I'm almost finished, but I have to check some of the measurements." she comments lecherously, wiping away her lolling tongue.
She then snaps back into her coy and seemingly innocent-girl self.
"So, can I measure you one more time?"
Vahn  weighs out his options.
"Sure, go ahead. Who doesn't like being groped and grabbed, sniffed and have their hips ground as their getting clothes measurements. OR Uh, not now. Since the bite marks on my shoulder haven't quite healed and I seem to have gotten a strange rash."
Mei eyes him curiously.
"Are you weeping?"
Vahn sniffs and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to stay 'a big boy'.
Mei giggles and clasps her hands together.
"Thanks. Vahn you're so kind. I'll be at your house waiting for you. So don't be too late!"
She runs off cackling.
Vahn shudders and  performs a self check.
"My balls were in my stomach! Damn crazy bitch!"
He then runs around the village terrorizing small children and helpless townspeople.
"You bastard! You shit in my hat!" screams a feeble old man as he proceeds to flog a walker thieving Vahn out of the Rim Elm Elderly Home.
"I have great plans for this!"
After his great follies, he approaches Tetsu.  
"Make a man out of me, you vicious son of a bitch!"
Theme from Mulan begins-
"Let's get down to business, to defeat the-"
"Vahn, you were only a child when the Mist appeared. The only difference is that now you don't have crap in your pants."
Vahn checks his backseat.
"Nope, still good and clean."
"Soon, you will be ready for the hunt with the men. I have taught you of Birons lessons."
Flashback to a campsite,  silhouettes of a 10yr old and a man within a candle-lit tent. "This is how the hotdog goes-"
"My bottom hurts Mr. Tetsu."
Return to Reality-
"You were sitting in the fire. And farting didn't help. Now we can never go camping there again." snaps Tetsu.
"But I learned 'FireBlow'!" Vahn exclaims proudly.
"I pray you earn a vicious death by seru. Now what must you harass me about today?" Tetsu breathes in lament.
Vahn thinks a moment
"Let me see,..." he reaches into his pocket for his handy dandy flame emblemed  notebook
"Who the frig is Biron? Is a shiv to the liver a good fighting secret? Is our fight practice a release of underlying sexual frustrations between us? What kind of belly button do you have...-"
"Jeez, just take this!"
Tetsu tosses Vahn a healing leaf, and flies into him with a downpour of martial arts fury in which causes Vahns consciousness to shatter.
Second part of First Chapter
:iconlaegreffon:
Laegreffon Featured By Owner May 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Random as always, though quite a welcome refresher from the steady stream of 'serious' I've been reading lately. :P
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:iconuyoniraze:
UyoniRaze Featured By Owner May 5, 2012   Writer
dude, I just recently unearthed this gem site for legaia art!
[link]
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:iconlaegreffon:
Laegreffon Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love you. <3
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